It haunts me.
Hangs in the air beside me, an apparition that seldom leaves me.
Holds me, holds me back.
Last night I couldn't sleep.
I sat up til about midnight listening to Malcolm Middleton, and then reading Batman Incorporated and then just before turning in for the night I decided I'd treat myself to some art that had caught my eye that then wouldn't allow me to choose to ship it to the UK from America.
This made me a little sad.
I clicked around the artist's website for a little while, and then clicked on to his blog.
Which is probably why I couldn't sleep.
I felt alive just sat around spending an hour or so just doing something I enjoyed doing, and then I felt inspired by the honest words of one man.
I lay in bed, just thinking. I wasn't tired.
I lay for quite a while, never quite losing myself to sleep.
Life seemed too rich to waste it just drifting away into the ether before another daily grind begins.
So I did something I'd thought about for a long time. It had been an idea that had bubbled around, resurfacing on occasions, yet I'd never fully committed myself to it. I'd grasp at fizzing thoughts but let them pass me by once again, but not this night.
I sat up and I wrote my honest CV. Not the CV that has been tailored to fit that role you have seen advertised and will tailor again for the next role. Not the CV that condenses and crams all that stuff you've done into a handful of measly bullet points. No, it's nothing like those CVs that everyone tells you to write because they are what everyone is looking for. In fact it is barely a CV at all.
There aren't any jobs I'm looking for right now. But life can change, and it probably should change, we all know that... Why am I not being myself when I am 'selling' myself. Why am I not looking for something out there that makes me even more of the me that I really want to be.
Who knows where it'll go. Hopefully somewhere. And who knows what I'd honestly want to say about myself in a months time, or maybe even just a week or two.
But at somewhere around 2 o’clock in the morning I felt content that those 2 sides of A4 say more about me than any CV ever has before.