Everything I'm not.

If there is one thing I hate, it is becoming everything I'm not....

My passive nature in almost all aspects of my life has mostly been a sea of tranquility that I have been more than happy to bathe in, yet others have found it frustrating.

And nowhere else is this more obvious than when it comes to money.

Financially, I have always felt rather stable.  I have always felt that I can afford to do what I want to do most of the time,  I don't earn a lot and I don't overspend and that has (for the most part) been enough for me...

Whether it has always been enough for others is up for debate, but in our society money seems to be a taboo, or perhaps it seems to be a taboo for those that are not making money.  I've had this discussion plenty of times, and often I am the only one on my side of the argument.

Why is discussing money so frowned upon?  Typical British reserve comes into play and the stiff upper lip stifles all valid conversing on the matter.  

But if someone earns more than me, would it not be better to not keep this secret so that I can value my own worth and my own work?  Tight-lipped pay packets only really serve to build a sense of distrust... secrecy and secret handshakes... a lack of transparency only makes you wonder what is being hidden...

Before my redundancy a few years ago I tried not to let these things bother me, and then thrown into a whole new world of employment I began to bare witness to this Masonic power struggle, and then choosing to switch from retail to office work I found myself more disgusted by the clearly unfair weighting of wages.

And then I found myself disgusted with myself.

I don't want to care.

I don't want to feel an ache in my stomach when discussions turn to someone else's job role and their speculative pay packet.

But then I don't always spend all of my time in the real world.

Maybe this is really how people choose to feel and choose to live their lives most of the time.

I've never been a fan of real life.

And I hope my flights of fantasy can keep me safe from a world I don't want to be a part of.